Home Soil (S1 ep 18)

Back in the day, you know, when things were cool - and not lame like they are now – I was pretty big into TNG. I’ll go out on a limb and say my peak obsession with the franchise was probably around 1993. It was a pretty great time for me, I think. But here’s the thing. There were aspects of this otherwise perfect show that bothered me.

I think I’ve credited Star Trek novels for getting me into proper science-fiction literature and it was around this time that I first started picking up the books to read. And the books lead me into other areas because they explored the more science-fictional aspects of the show.

But what was on television, well, it always seemed like there was part of Star Trek that was more interested in reframing current events-related social issues and commenting on them (‘Hey, let’s not be so racist!’ Or, ‘hey, let’s not shoot each other over a disagreement, let’s talk about it instead’). 

But the thing is, I wanted to know why they could travel a thousand light-years, discover a previously unknown race of aliens, and no one think to question that it was weird that those aliens were clearly just a bunch of white dudes that dress slightly differently than the crew of the Enterprise did. I mean, that’s the sort of thing I’d be freaking out about. That isn’t to mention the weirdness in that almost any humanoid species could have children with any other, or that they can make each other sick (Thelosian-Flu? I’m not saying that’s unlikely, I’ll just point out that you and I aren’t at a great risk for catching Dutch Elm Disease – and that particular bug evolved right here on earth with us humans around the whole time. It seems unlikely a bug evolved completely independently many light-years away would give someone the flu, or whatever).

It eventually dawned on me that most episodes were metaphors for people who deal with other people. They weren’t about ‘exploring strange new worlds,’ they were about confronting slightly different versions of ourselves… they are about looking inward and trying to be better people. Um, more like a socially sensitive James Cook than a Neil Armstrong.

And as great as all that is, I fell in love with the science-fictional aspects of the show. I had to tolerate all the melodrama in order to get to that.

If there happens to anyone who doesn’t understand what the hell I’m talking about, the melodrama is the Riker-loves-Troi-and-she-loves-him-but-he’s-a-Starfleet-man-first-and-can’t-have-a-family-so-they-can-never-be-together sort of story, or even a story about Klingons are warriors… that’s all melodrama. Not what I’m in to.

But this week’s episode actually had a legitimate science-fiction premise. Up until now I don’t think that’s happened. This is exactly the kind of thing that gave me the willies, in a good way, when I was watching the show all those years ago.

Too bad they went and f#¢k*d it all up.

This episode was an unmitigated disaster in storytelling that had me so bent out of shape I went looking around the interwebs for some explanation for how it could have gone so horribly wrong. I didn’t look long, or hard, for answers, but I did find out that there were unnamed script problems that led to delays in production. Based on other things I’ve heard about this first season on TNG I really want to say that Gene Roddenbery was busily rewriting the script and it became such a mess they had to give up on having it make sense and instead just film what they had. 

And what did they have, well, I’m glad you asked. Here we go:

A terraforming project team on a lonely, uninhabited planet, has stopped communicating with Starfleet and so the Enterprise goes to investigate. They show up and the Director of the project there says everything is fine and for the Enterprise to move along. Troi immediately freaks out and says he’s hiding something… the Director is panicking even. 

Picard forces the guy to let them come down and it turns out the staff is pretty nice. They get a weirdly long and detailed overview of terraforming (I enjoyed it, it was just really long). Then the Director shows up and is pretty charming, then he orders one of the staff to leave and go stand in front of a laser, the dude acts like it’s an odd request, but goes anyway. Dude immediately gets shot by that laser and dies. The director looks like he’s just as flabbergasted as anyone.

Data goes into the room where dude was killed after everyone leaves and has them turn the laser back on. It immediately starts shooting at Data, but Data dodges the laser blasts and destroys it. Then everyone comes in and the terraformer guy runs into the room and gets mad at Data for wrecking his awesome laser.   

Aboard the Enterprise, Picard and Data and Geordi realize that dude was murdered and start to investigate. About 10 seconds later they discover something small and glowy on the planet. They go back to debate for a long time with the computer before deciding that the glowy thing they found is alive. 

Picard sorta accuses the Director of murdering one of his underlings – Troi just psychically reads him and says he didn’t do it (the murder) but he knew the glowy things were alive.

Later, in the medical lab, everyone gathers around and watches the glowy thing have a glowy baby. Then they decide that it might just be alive… again. Also, it’s intelligent. Picard confronts the terraforming team and they admit that something on the planet was making attempts to contact them… patterns in the sand. You know, geometric shapes appearing and disappearing in the sand. No one thought it was the product of a lifeform.

Later, on the bridge, the debate, now led by Worf, continues on whether or not the glowy things are alive. Sigh.

In the medical lab, the glowy things are addressing the crew as ‘ugly bags of mostly water’ and declare war on humanity. They start making the ship shake violently. Somehow. Picard, remembering how awesome of a thing it was when Q referred to Worf as a ‘microbrain’ decides to name the new living thing they found as a ‘microbrain.’

The ‘microbrain’ succeeds in taking over the ship. The terraformers are grilled about what they did on the planet to piss the aliens off so much. They have no idea. Someone figures out that light is their food. So despite having almost no control over the ship at all, they do have the ability to turn off the lights because the switch for the lights in the medical lab, where the micro brain is being kept, apparently, is located outside of the medical bay.

Riker cuts the lights, the glowy things immediately start begging for help. Then accuse the crew of the Enterprise of proving they are murders if they don’t turn the lights back on. Oh god. Picard forces them to surrender and turns the lights back up a tad, with the dimmer switch I guess. Then the glowy things call Picard too primitive or something and to come back in a few centuries.

Whew, that was hard to write. So, here are some notes I took while watching, you know, my thoughts:

• When the Enterprise crew beams to the planet there are a lot of introductions 
• And mullets, there is a noticeable mullet to be seen here.

  

  "See, in the front it's like I'm all business. But in the back... "

• I really like the exposition on how terraforming works… and it’s a great prop they use
• It seems like we hear the sound effect for an opening door about two seconds before the doors open… just seemed odd.
• Data just glances at the laser and deduces that it was shooting on purpose.  I’m impressed, but also confused.
• Tasha and Wesley both were fine
• Data can dodge lasers. He can’t move fast enough to take action when Lore was trying to kill Dr Crusher a few episodes before, but he can dodge lasers, over and over and over.
• It took them a year to build a laser. I dunno, seems strangely long, just strap a phaser to a stick and it can work just as well as that laser did.
• Given that in this short season that the Enterprise have already encountered some pretty unusual life, like the Crystalline Entity, that Geordi doesn’t believe the glowy thing they found could possibly be alive because it’s ‘inorganic’ seems weird.
• Seriously, that ‘is it alive?’ thing is really overplayed. It’s stupid
• Later, after they’ve all decided that the glowy thing is alive, Riker tells whatshername that it’s still up for debate. It’s like he’s a global warming denier or something.
• Wesley really needs to stop with the Rainbow sweater. I mean, it is better than that stuff he was wearing early in the season, but he needs to change clothes sometimes.
• The glowy things have taken over the medical lab. 
• The terraforming crew says they knew something really weird was happening, but seem to really not believe it was life… so what where they hiding from the Enterprise?
• They call it a microbrain. Goddammit. They stole that from Q

In all, this episode is a mess, and not a hot one. I can almost see where this was going to be a murder mystery and then half way through someone stepped in and said, 'Waitaminute, people don't murder each other in the future, aliens did it.' Then they just ripped up the last 20 pages, ignored the obvious clues they laid into the episode to indicate it was supposed to be a murder, and made up this mircrobrain stuff and shoehorned it in. 

I hated it. It was so poorly executed, poorly paced (very long, yet still inconsequential scenes early in the episode and the near endless debate over whether or not the aliens were alive or not that kept getting resolved, I thought, then reopened again a few minutes later) and poorly written. Data dodging lasers was comical. The behaviors of the terraformers made zero sense as they came clean and admitted they were covering up... something, but they didn't know what. And given that they knew nothing about the aliens, the Director ordering whatshisname to go get murdered by the laser thing makes even less sense. So unforgivably dumb.

My rating?

1 out of 5

It could have been entertaining, it could have been watchable. But instead we get this POS instead of the beloved Science-Fiction show I should have gotten to see.