The Last Outpost (S1 ep 5)

So, some apologies for freaking out over the previous post about Code of Honor, which of course Jonathan Frakes himself called "... a racist piece of shit" episode. So, that's all I got to say about that.

But what I am here to discuss today is how, finally, after a couple of really, really bad installments, one finally showed up and had an actual story to tell.

Now, to back up a bit, I think I'd mentioned in one of my previous posts that I'd been living in a newly built home (one that I helped in the construction of) at the tender age of 15. Since my mother and step-father both worked graveyard shift I was usually at home alone, and totally freaking about about the haunted cemetery across the street. I don't really remember much about this particular episode save for the fact that it came on weekly, each Saturday, I think, around 7 p.m.

Except I don't recall ever watching this in that time slot, except for the premier. So this has me scratching my head a bit. Memory can be a fuzzy thing, and we are going back just a hair short of 30 years here trawling my memories.

I think that they were rerunning these episodes multiple times per week. Namely, on weeknights around 11. It's funny because we'd just gotten our first cordless phone and I was... sheesh, I'm getting really mixed up here. Because I just remembered that the story I am talking about took place during my SENIOR year of high school, nearly two years after this episode aired.

So scratch all that. I have no idea about what and where I was when this episode came out. Except to say that mullets weren't that big yet, but were the cutting edge of what's cool, and I also had a cool button up shirt that had tuxedo tails. It was the most badass thing I ever owned.

Whatever.

So, about this show. Look, I'm not saying it's good. It's not, not at all, but compared to the last two episodes this thing should be given an Emmy or something.

What happens? Well, we open with the Enterprise crew chasing down a Ferengi vessel that stole something. They're mysterious, roughly equal to the Federation in Tech, and apparently, eager to push the boundaries of what they can get away with.

So the Enterprise gets close and then their ship gets caught in a trap! The Ferengi have some super advanced tech that the Enterprise is helpless to fight. It has them trapped like a fly in amber. Stuck and without enough power to break away, or really fight back.

They figure out a delay in the Ferengi's ability to hold them in place, so they decide to go from reverse to warp 9 as fast as they can, because that should break them out of the hold. After a very embarrassing "Woo Wee!" from Geordi, the plan is executed and fails. Picard reluctantly calls the Ferengi to discuss terms of surrender.

BUT WAIT! The Ferengi agree to surrender to the Enterprise instead! They thought it was the Enterprise that trapped their ship and is threatening them! Wow! I'm using tons of exclamation points!!

Naturally, Picard pretends that was what he meant all along and blusters for a bit before the Ferengi realize he's full of shit. After an awkward moment or two they all agree to go to the planet and try to figure out who has them trapped.
Once there, they are met by an AI guardian that decides to judge the trespassers. Riker passes and the AI offers to kill the Ferengi for him. Riker says to leave them alone because they're pretty much just like humans a few centuries earlier. So they all go their separate ways.

Some thoughts:

"Tee hee!"

• According to the interwebs, the Ferengi were meant to the TNG's main antagonists throughout the series. Good god. That would have been horrible. These guys are a joke. They hop around like middle-aged men auditioning for a Michael Jackson video (hmmm... maybe I need to update my pop culture references) and hiss a lot and can barely speak with the huge teeth they are forced to wear. Thankfully, the reactions the whole world had after seeing them on screen squelched that idea almost immediately. No one could take them seriously, could they?
• All that said, I liked the ship design for the Ferengi. The mid section even extended out. Cool. 
• The camera work in this episode was interesting. The director, I suppose, was a fan of zooming in on characters. It was very noticeable. 
• Thank god Tasha nor Wesley did anything stupid in this episode. Actually, Wesley wasn't even in this one. But Tasha was. She was fine. Yippee!
• The children playing in the Captain's conference room was really weird. Can they just go wherever they want? Seriously, it's the flagship vessel of the Federation. That's just stupid. 
• The Chinese finger trap thing, Data is a robot without much in the way of sense. I assume he's not going to use his inhuman strength to get out, but surely he understands basic design well enough to understand how the things work. That said, I can forgive this because it was funny. It only doesn't make sense if you think about it for more than a second.
• Troi said, flat out, that she could sense nothing from the Ferengi, like they can mask her ability to read them. Then, a few scenes later, she can sense their duplicity. I can almost forgive this sort of thing if they were from different episodes, but these scenes took place only a few minutes apart. C'mon. At least pretend like your trying to be good. 
• So, Riker and Data give a list of the sins of the Federation. It's pretty awful. I'm thinking that the prime directive is an excuse to not have compassion for people in need. Riker seems especially proud of the sociopathic traits the Federation has exhibited to people that don't have warp tech. It's insane. 
• The guardian AI give a test, which is more or less, 'you need to know when to fight, and when not to fight.' So Riker stands there and doesn't flinch when the thing almost chops his head off. Then Riker responds with something like, 'Fear is the real enemy,' or something. Look, Sun Tzu was already mentioned earlier in the episode, and gets credit for this amazing wisdom here by the alien AI. All I know is that it didn't seem to make much sense to me. 
• Speaking of tests, this is the second time in four airings (I know, it's episode 5, don't make me explain this every week) that humanity is being put on trial by a super powerful alien. Except this time it's for humanity's current behaviors, not its history (and it's Riker, not Picard). How the hell do Romulans, Clingons, Ferengi, Cardassians, etc., survive when the universe it willing to kill anyone who isn't enlightened?
• And I haven't really brought it up before now, but humans as a group seem pretty smug about how evolved they are. If I were floating around out there in space I'd be tempted to tell them to shut up a bit about it. Very preachy of a show in these early episode.

In the end, this was fine. I actually sort of enjoyed it, in the so bad it's good sort of way (not like the last couple, which were in the 'so bad I threw up' category). I won't go so far as to recommend this to any future viewer, but this at least works as a story.

My rating?

2 out of 5